Discover Your Gifts by Asking the People Around You

If someone asked you to name your greatest strengths, could you answer quickly? Many people struggle. They can list their weaknesses easily but go quiet when asked about their gifts. Some feel it would be prideful to name them. Others genuinely do not know.

Yet the people around you often see your gifts clearly. They notice what you do well, what you do without effort and how you help others. This post offers a simple exercise: ask five people what they see in you, then look for the patterns.

Why we miss our own gifts

There are a few reasons people overlook their own strengths:

• It feels easy. What comes naturally to you may not seem special, because you assume everyone can do it.
• Humility gets confused with silence. Some people believe acknowledging a gift is boastful.
• Weaknesses feel louder. Mistakes and struggles get more of our attention than strengths.
• No one ever told you. Some people grew up without much encouragement or recognition.

Scripture describes gifts as given for serving others. The verse above invites us to use what we have received for the good of others, as stewards. You cannot steward a gift you do not recognize.

Choose five people

Pick five people who know you well in different settings. A good mix might include:

• A family member
• A close friend
• A coworker or former boss
• Someone from church or a volunteer setting
• A mentor or someone who has seen you grow

Choose people who are honest and who care about you. Different perspectives help you see a fuller picture.

What to ask

Keep your questions simple and open. Here are a few that tend to bring out useful answers:

1. What do you think I do especially well?
2. When have you seen me at my best?
3. What do people come to me for?
4. What is something I do that seems easy for me but might be hard for others?
5. If you had to describe my strengths in three words, what would they be?

You do not need to ask all five questions. Two or three is plenty.

How to ask

Asking can feel awkward. A short, honest message makes it easier for you and for them:

"I'm working on understanding my strengths better, and I'd value your perspective. Would you be willing to answer two quick questions? What do you think I do especially well, and when have you seen me at my best? There's no rush, and short answers are perfect."

Written replies give people time to think and give you something to reread later. Thank each person for their answer, even if it surprises you.

Look for patterns

Once you have responses, gather them in one place. Read them slowly and look for:

• Repeated words or themes. If three people mention that you make others feel welcome, that is likely a real gift.
• Surprises. Something you never considered a strength may show up.
• Specific examples. These show how your gifts play out in real life.
• Connections. Notice how different gifts relate, such as organization and hospitality working together.

Write a short summary: "People see me as encouraging, organized and good at explaining things clearly."

Put your gifts to work

Knowing your gifts is the first step. Using them is where they come alive. Ask yourself:

• Where am I already using these gifts?
• Where could I use them more, at work, at home, at church or in my community?
• Is there a role or opportunity that would fit these gifts better than what I am doing now?
• How could my gifts help someone this week?

If you serve at church, this may help you choose roles that fit you well. Boundaries for Generous People Who Serve at Church explains how to serve in ways that use your gifts without burning out.

Gifts and identity

Your gifts are part of how God made you, but they are not the whole of who you are. Your worth does not rise or fall with how well you use them. Coach Sharon's U R Amazing Workshops help participants discover who God created them to be, rooted first in His love and then growing into purpose. If that sounds like a next step for you, reach out to us.

For a companion exercise, Who Are You Beyond Your Roles? helps you separate what you do from who you are.

Frequently asked questions

How do I find out what my gifts are?

Ask several people who know you well what they think you do especially well, then look for patterns in their answers. Notice also what comes easily to you and what others regularly ask you for.

Is it prideful to recognize my own gifts?

No. Recognizing your gifts helps you use them to serve others. Humility is about how you use your gifts and where you place your worth, not pretending you have none.

What if people's answers surprise me?

Surprises are often valuable. Consider that others may see something you have overlooked, and look for examples in your life where that gift has shown up.